By SIERRA JIMINEZ
The UNITY News

I have never been the type to get sick.

In fact, taking a sick day off from high school was never easy. But there I was, lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a heart monitor, about to miss most of the second semester of my junior year.

What I thought was going to be a routine doctor visit turned into a four-night stay in the hospital, a relapse, and 10 weeks in a day treatment unit.

I am one of the 70 million people in the world who suffers from an eating disorder.

I am 19 years old and anorexic. Restriction is my drug of choice. I use starvation as a coping mechanism.

Although I am stable and I no longer starve myself, anorexia will always be a part of me. That’s why I say, “I am anorexic.” For the rest of my life, I will have that little voice in my head telling me that a grape has three calories, or that by jumping up and down 48 times, I can burn 13 calories.

My eating disorder, or Ed as I like to call him, will always be there.

No, I’m not crazy. I realize Ed is not a real person. But to me, Ed is like that little devil you see on cartoons who sits on your shoulder, tempting you to make the wrong decisions.

I can remember the day I began restricting. Family problems, mixed with the stress of college prep courses, left me feeling insecure. I decided I would limit my eating. No sweets, no high-fat products, and above all, I wouldn’t eat more than 900 calories a day. Over time, that calorie limit dwindled to 600. I became obsessed with nutrition labels. After each meal, I would plan what I was going to have the next time I ate. Food consumed my life.

After two years of inpatient and outpatient treatment, I have learned how to tell Ed no.
A common misconception about people with eating disorders is that they choose to starve themselves out of vanity. Not me. My eating disorder is about control.

At times when I feel that everything in my life is going downhill or that I am a disappointment to someone, I struggle to find something I can control, and my eating disorder comes into play.

Don’t get me wrong, there was a part of me that was afraid of getting fat.

But that was not the reason my eating disorder started.

I don’t regret having anorexia, I embrace it. The fact that I have managed to overcome a disease that kills 20 percent of the people it consumes shows me that I am strong.

I can’t change my past, I can’t change my DNA, I can’t change my family and I can’t change how other people look at me. But the only thing that matters is that I can change myself. Maybe not my physical appearance, but I am in control of who I am.

For more information about eating disorders, including symptoms and ways to get help, visit www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.

topic: Current Events
tags: anorexia, eating disorder

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